So it’s autumn here in Australia (read STRAYA), which means that the only thing you hear about is Footy. AFL Footy. Australian Rules Fooball Footy.

It also means it’s spring in Belgium and, therefore, the best time of the year. The Spring’s One Day Classics are the most thrilling bike races to watch and there’s so many of them you get excited and start babbling nonsense to every living soul at the café. While nobody cared to explain to you why you still get a point in footy when you miss the goal; you find it important to explain to everyone how steep the Koppenberg, Taaienberg and Paterberg actually are and that they’re made of cobbles, and that it was better when the Muur-Kappelmuur was still part of the circuit, and that you’re going to stay up all night to watch the race on some illegal pixilated live-feed found through the dark-internet, because you CAN’T miss it.

Important note. NOBODY knows what 20% means. You don’t even know. You just make a slope with your arm and hand pointed approximately at 60 degrees (which is 40 degrees too much) and pretend you could ride up the Muur like De Vlaeminck or Merckx.

So the Ronde Van Vlaanderen is happening tonight and you have successfully coerced a non-cyclist sports enthusiast to come over and watch the race with you and your family. And you even found out that you don’t have to go to the dark-internet anymore. Just type RONDE VAN VLAANDEREN LIVE in youtube and you get to choose between Flemish, French, Italian or English broadcast. I mean, you still go to cyclingfans.com and steephill.tv for last kms, highlights, et cetera, but watching a live race without having to wait 30 seconds to close the ad with the hidden [X] is pretty cool. You select the english broadcast because you have a non-cycling guest over, but if you were alone you would’ve practiced your Flemish  in case you go to Belgium next year.

It turns out the race is pretty interesting. You get to explain who the main protagonists are, why there is a breakaway, why Sagan is wearing a rainbow jersey, you know, regular discussion you need to have with non-cyclists. You are also drinking really nice Belgian beers so the non-cyclist interest for the sport increases rapidly.

CRASHES, NARROW ROADS, BERGS, ATTACKS, EVERYTHING.

The weather is fair, so the race is fast. It’s a good race.

The main protagonists are there. It’s a great race.

It’s the end, only the Oude Kwaremont and the Paterberg left. It is THE great race.

And then your guest asks you the dreaded question:

‘Why doesn’t one of them just ride faster then the other guys and win?’

Your sigh is not even completed when Peter Sagan goes WHAPAAA, and just like a freaking superhero does exactly THAT. Starts riding faster then everyone else.

SHEDS everyone, but Vanmarcke on the Oude Kwaremont and leaves him behind on the Paterberg like he was standing still. (I think he was actually standing still. 20% is that steep.) #SoPitted

Sagan goes on for 13 kms alone and wins. He had a great race.

Your guest had a great night.

The next day your guest sees you at the café.

‘Did you see the women’s Ronde finish?’ he says.

Your job is done. Next thing you know your guest will buy a Tarmac and a World Champion kit and drop you on your local berg.

#DoubleRainbow

Credit to Chainstay.com and @wtfkits for their general greatness at being awesome.